Blowing the dust off this blog in hopes that the words I type will flow easily and freely as it’s not always easy to reflect on challenges. On brutal pain. Anguish. Heartache.
What a difference a year makes.
One year ago, The Wife and I found ourselves huddled tightly while the storms raged on around us. We closed our eyes as the tears came, mixing with the heavy rain falling around us; rain from broken family relationships, struggles with identity, fear of friends finding out our truth, and from leaving everything we knew. We clung onto each other so desperately, whispering earnest prayers to our Maker who knew our pain and struggles that He would hold us until the winds died and the storm ceased.
My friends, I’m here proudly proclaiming that He has done so and oh so much more.
Slowly but surely The Wife and I regained our footing as the summer of last year ended. We became more and more bold to share our truth with loved ones. We were met with mostly admonition, love and support which spurred us on to continue sharing our story.
We were exiled from nearly all our family and bore the pain of rejection as waves of anger and bitterness rode their course and passed, leaving no remaining ties.
We had our very first Thanksgiving and Christmas Days together, and were giddy with excitement to have it be “just us” for the first time and we celebrated by indulging in all the right ways. It was a bittersweet time, one of love for who we got to celebrate with (each other) but bore the sting of the apparent empty chairs at our dinner table and the distance that spoke volumes all around us.
We attended the Gay Christian Network’s annual conference in January, much to our surprise as we were terrified with each step we made closer to the event. We sat in our hotel room on the first day, staring into each others’ eyes and wondering what on earth we were doing there with other *gasp* GAY people. But The Wife and I pulled each other by our bootstraps and pushed ourselves out that hotel room door and are so. incredibly. thankful. that we did. We will never be the same because of that conference and the ministry of GCN – we were surrounded by hundreds of others just like us who struggled with sexual identity and faith, and God met us all there in hugely profound ways and gave us beloved community friends who we will hold close for years to come.
We became a part of a bible study at our church after the conference and grew to love the kindred, spicy hearts that we met with every week. Our hearts became community once again for the first time in a very long time and were met with unconditional grace, love and support. So much so that one night, after driving home from Bible Study, The Wife and I began to talk about the wildly wild idea of getting married. At our church. Because, after all, we finally had people who wanted to celebrate us. Who knew we were gay and in love and still wanted to be in relationship with us and love us. WHA???!!
So The Wife and I picked out rings and planned and at the beginning of the summer, we got married at our church with nearly 100 happy hearts watching as we pledged our love with sacred vows.
Later this week we have an OB/GYN appointment to discuss us starting a family and moving forward in doing so.
Friends. Let me tell you that God is so very faithful and the last year is living proof that He is trustworthy. That He knows us, knows our very hearts and wildest dreams. That He loves us so much that He challenges us to struggle, fight through worldly pain and welcomes us back to His lap with open arms when we are broken and bleeding. And He equips us with the strength we need to stand back up again, despite losing your family, despite doing something you’ve never done before. And when you do, He makes it good. So very good that others will remark and say how incredibly delighted He must be with your union, love and celebration of marriage.
It happened this way for us.
It gets better.
The once raging wind and rain has now become a refreshingly calm breeze and the water soothes my soul. While I know it won’t always be easily (not to say that it hasn’t always been), He is faithful and all things good, and has amazing plans for all His precious, wonderfully and fearfully made loves.
I can’t wait to see what He’ll do next.